Introspection, Uncategorized

Greatful

Fall is such a romantic time for me full of introspection, cold winds and warm drinks. Recently I was reminded of when I was homeless. I learned that two people I know are now homeless. One is currently in a shelter and the other is on the streets. I remember what it was like. People walk by, not caring. Rejected by society. I feel that if it weren’t for my Mothers prayers it could have been worse. Now that I have a home with all the bills paid I will never stop being extremely greatful. Although, I have become a recluse in my sanctuary. I find it hard to leave at times. A friend even mentioned to me that I’ve become a hermit, but with not many friends and no transportation it’s sometimes hard to be social. Even though, I remain happy in the company of myself, my dog and my art. Some days I think it would be nice to have a significant other to share things with, to talk to or just snuggle up with. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t have those feelings. Most days I am content with how things turned out for me.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

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A topic too neglected

My troubled mind has left me in misery. In a silent hell. It’s like I am digging a hole or drowning in anxiety. In the meantime my battle with addiction rages on. It plagues me weekly, daily even by the hour. I say nothing. I’m doing nothing to help myself.

I know I need to pray and practice yoga and meditate. Would it help me make better art and calm my mind? Maybe so. I feel art and see it in my minds eye. Bringing it to reality is another story. I’m paralyzed. I’m not confused. I know what I need to do. Feeling pitiful and worthless even though I have sold another painting. I continue to tear myself down and wallow in psychosis.

I promise to do better. To feel better. I will think positive thoughts just not today. Today I don’t have it in me.

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Gently it goes

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Sad songs mean so much

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